Rejects

Bolder boldly asked to see the orignal photo that I converted to b&w for yesterday's post. Here they are, side by side. To me, it didn't feel like the rose had the same impact in color. The rose itself seemed to be fighting the green of the stems, etc. And it also felt a little blown out & raggedy. But converting to a black rose isolated it and made it pop out a little. It also gave it the texture I could see but didn't translate to film. And it masked the flaws and made it more the ideal I was looking for.



Maybe if I come back to it later, I'll see something different in the color photo. Speaking of which...I had a fun night last night. I went thru some of the boxes that had my old slide rejects in them. Even though I didn't like them at the time, I couldn't bear to get rid of them. Weird, eh? Maybe because a litte of me is in them. Some I could clearly see why I'd rejected. Others, I had to take a second look at and then still rejected them.

But there were a few that I really liked and spent some time wondering why I had dismissed them in the first place. Maybe they werent perfect flowers. Maybe they weren't what I was looking for at the time. I don't know. But I'm happy I found them again. Here are four of the "rejects".

Rebirth

I picked up some miniature roses at the store on Saturday so I could play with the B&W studio. As you can see, I used a filter to change this rose to a black rose. It felt more velvety that way, more romantic. Now, some people say that black roses are menacing because they signal death or vengeance. That's definitely not romantic. But other people say that black roses signify the death of old habits and rebirth to something new and fresh. THAT is romantic. I don't mean romantic in the way of man/woman. More like an ideal than reality. I'm not doing a very good job of explaining it, am I?

How about this...I'm hoping this year will be a rebirth for me in a lot of areas. I'm hoping to find the Lisa who was the heroine of her own novel. The Lisa who was optimistic and open to love. The Lisa who was joyful and healthy and fast. Ok, maybe not fast but pretty darn close to it. My triathlon blog hasn't been getting a whole lot of posts for a long time because, well, I haven't been training much since August. Last year felt like I was plagued by injuries (some my own doing, some not) and it was so frustrating. It took all the fun out of training and that spilled over into my life.

I was also promoted last year to a new position, because as they put it, they needed someone who could make things happen. That should have been a good thing. And mostly it was. But change takes quite a while in our company and sometimes I felt like I was running into a brick wall and I let myself get stressed about it. AND...to top it off, someone (that I had finally put behind me or so I thought) came back into my life and brought back a lot of the bitterness I'd felt towards him. And because of him, men in general. I became jaded last year. I lost some of the innocence that I had. No, not that kind.

But you know what? I do still believe in magic. I believe in a benevolent universe that helps you work towards your dreams. I believe that if you have a dream, people and opportunities will cross your path and help you reach it. I truly do. I haven't completely given up on my dreams. In fact, I would say that some of my dreams are burning brighter now. I think...I hope...I know that I'm ready for a rebirth. It may just take a little bit of work. :)

On a side note. I didn't take a whole lot of photos of the roses because Spike kept trying to eat them and smell them. So I threw him out on my balcony and then ended up shooting more of him than of the roses. He's such a rotter. But he's cute.

Bree & Terry

I received a Thank You note from Bree & Terry this weekend. I took photos of their wedding back in October. Their note said that they thought the photos were beautiful and that it meant the world to them that I'd captured their happiest moments. Taking photos of their wedding was my gift to them. When I was shooting it, I remembered why I don't do more weddings. It's a little stressful while it's happening. Even more so this time because it was a night wedding, outdoors at a "ranch" so there wasn't much light. And Terry is like family to me since his sister is my best friend, Mondi. But as always the stress fades and now all that is left is the fun and the joy that they are happy with them.

I also paid for prints of their favorite photos and I'm still working on the third part of their gift...a photo book of the wedding. It's harder than I thought it would be. I want it to be great since it will hold their memories of that special day forever. And I took so many photos that it's hard trying to fit them all in. Plus, I'm a perfectionist so it's slow going. I'm kind of relieved that I didn't have to charge them for any of it because there is no way I could have come up with an amount. I've put so many hours into this that I lost track of them! But I can't complain because I'm getting some great experience.

The rest of these photos were from the photo shoot last May for their engagment photos. They turned this b&w of the two of them into the stamp they use for all of their wedding correspondence - inviatations to the shower & wedding, and the thank you cards. It's funny to see my photo on them. Kind of a thrill.

Honestly, I have more fun doing a photo shoot like this then doing a wedding or a party. Maybe it's because it's less stressful, more relaxed. I don't know. It could be because I like the challenge of getting people to relax and be natural and have fun.

Terry was a little self concious at the beginning of the shoot, but he loosened up nicely. It helped, I think, that their dog, Tank, was there and helped break the ice. Sometimes, I have to be the goofball to get them to relax. Sometimes I just talk to them, ask them questions, tell really bad jokes. :P

I think also that even though I'm being paid to do a shoot like this, I still feel a lot of freedom to express myself. The only rule I have is that if the camera is out of the bag, any shot is open game! After a while, they get used to it.

Black & White Studio

I am in love! Andy (Wrenching Winz) converted one of my tulip photos to B&W and sent me the link for the Plug-In he used: Power Retouche Black & White Studio. I finally got the chance to download it to my laptop today and oooh, I'm loving it.

One of things I missed about shooting with film was that because you could shoot with only one roll at a time, you had to make some choices about what you were trying to capture. Was I going to shoot b&w or color? Film or slide? I often chose b&w, which I love (as I'm sure you noticed from my blog). Anyway, even once I decided to shoot with B&W, I still had to decide what film to use-Kodak or Ilford. Delta or Tmax or T400CN or HP5. Each film had it's own characteristics. Mostly I shot with Ilford Delta or Kodak T400CN. Then once you had the film chosen, you had to decide on no filter, or red or green or orange filters. I carried them all with me when I shot and it was fun figuring out what to use depending on what I was trying to accomplish.

Shooting with digital, I felt like I lost that. Now, I would say that 99% of the time I shoot in color and then convert it to black & white. I was using Photoshop Elements to do that but it just didn't have the same feel to it.

When I opened up the B&W studio, I found all my old friends in it! All of them are there - the filters, the film. It was like coming home again. The top photo is the original photo I was playing with. It's of a Tinkerbell ornament that I have. The second photo was done with these options-green filter & Ilford Delta film. The 3rd photo was done with these options-red filter & Kodak Tmax film. The last photo was done with a magenta filter and Ilford HP5 film. I am so excited to have so much more control again. I have a feeling I'm going to be playing with my new toy the rest of the weekend. I think I need to go pick up some flowers! Woo! Um, thanks for the link, Andy. :) Bloggers rock.

To car or not to car

That is the questions. It was a year ago this weekend that I was hit by a car while out for a Saturday morning ride. Not only did it piss me off because it messed with my Ironman training for Vineman, but it left a lingering fear in me about cars. My heart still skips a beat when I see a car about to make a left turn across my path. Despite that tiny little fear, I still love riding and would prefer to be on my bike than in a car. In fact, now I get a little car sick in a car unless the window is open a little. Sometimes I feel like sticking my head out the window like a dog!

It will be 3 years in May that I got rid of my car and started riding my bike to work and every I wanted to go. Riding has been good for my health, my mind, the environment, and of course, my bank account. When I was on vacation earlier this month, my dad let me borrow his little old Huffy 10 speed cruiser. And you know what? Even though it was old and slow, as soon as I was on it, I had a huge smile on my face and I felt free. I love it. But there is one area of my life that has suffered. Yep, my photography. I don't go exploring like I used. I haven't been visiting my favorite places like Joshua Tree and Crystal Cove. I haven't been to favorite botanical gardens. Not that I couldn't ride to some of those places. I just don't want to do it while I'm carrying my camera (see above mentioned car accident and there was that time I flipped my bike last May).

These photos are from a trip to the San Diego Wild Animal park a few years ago. I went there with a friend for my birthday to take the photo tour. They take you inside the park on a flat bed truck so you can get closer to the animals than the train that circles the park. It was a blast. I got to feed a giraffe and a rhinoceros for the first time ever. And got some fun photos as a bonus. My own little safari trip right here is So Cal. I used to do that kind of thing all the time. Most of it was spur of the moment. Like the time I woke up on New Years Day and decided to drive to one of the missions to take some photos (I have a mission to photograph all the California missions. Get it?). I got to ring the church bell that day which was very cool.


Sometimes I think about buying a car again because I miss doing that kind of thing. It's an internal struggle. Should I? Shouldn't I? I think if I really want to get my photography off the ground, I need a car to get to assignments. But the anti-car side of me rebels furiously at the thought. What to do? To car or not to car. That is definitely the question.

The Eyes Have It

Andy, from Wrenching with Winz called me a snobby snob. Well...he actually said that nikon people were snobby snobs. What. Ever. I like what I like. And my nikkorn lens are SO sweet. As sweet to me as a high end bike or sports car would be to someone else. I will not apologize for it. And I won't give up my my nikkor lenses for anyone. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.

Here's the thing. There's always a thing. I told him that it's not the camera, it's the eye looking thru it. Great photographs aren't made because of the camera, but the person using it. This I know. Some of most prized prints of my photos are from cameras made in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. It's not the camera. But still...I love my lenses! I love my Nikon gear. It's mine, mine, all mine. And I worked hard to get it all. Damn it. Why shouldn't I be proud of it. Sure, I can buy an offbrand lens for a lot less. But will it still have the same feel to it. Is it just my perception of the nikkor lenses that make them so special to me? I really only have 3 lenses - a 24 mmm, a 28-105, and my 70-180 macro. I would sleep with that lens under my pillow if it wouldn't mess it up. Seriously. It's not even about them being "my possesions". It's more that they are the tools that I use to express myself. Some people do that thru painting or writing or music. I do it thru my Nikon. Besides, I wouldn't trust anything else to capture every one of Madison's freckles!!!

Max About Max

So...Is it just because I'm his aunt that I think Max is the cutest little guy ever?

I admit that I'm biased. But if you could just see him in person. He is a total character and his laugh is completely contagious. Sometimes when he's happy, he does this snuffling thing as if he's a miniature snuffleumpagus (however that's spelled). Of all the photos I took, I only caught him doing it once...

This little car he's in had a dead battery so it didn't go anywhere but he had fun sitting in it and moving all the parts. Plus, it was a beautiful sunny day and we were just enjoying the sunshine.

There were plenty of missed photo opportunities. You have got to be fast and have your camera ready and sometimes I was just too busy watching him to remember my camera. I wish I had gotten him eating - how deliberate he is when he's putting his cheerios in his mouth. How he has tons of teeth but uses his front ones to munch. How he likes to take big swigs of his milk. Darn it!

The day I left, I was up before anyone else and I heard him chattering away. So I went in his room and he smiled at me and showed me his blanket. I said "Come on, Max, let's change you." and he curled up into a ball and pretended to go to sleep. So I waited a while and he "woke up". I reached out my arms and said it again. Again he pretended to sleep but the whole time he's smiling. :) And I was kicking myself for not bringing my camera upstairs with me and missing those shots. So how did I get him out and changed? I sat in the rocking chair and pretended to play with his toys and he came over and reached his arms out to me! Ha. I outsmarted him. Ok, I know he's only one. But the whole goal was to do this quietly and not wake up the whole house so mission accomplished.

These are a few more photos of Max and Peyton. It's a slideshow (6 pics) but I couldn't figure out how to embed it. I was surprised that Peyton waited for him to come out to her. It was like she knew he was making a bee line for her.

Tortilla Heaven

I'm back from my vacation. Both I and my camera got quite a workout. Let me tell you! Thank goodness I had a few hours to myself while Max was napping and the girls were in school or I'd have never made it. I can't imagine having done this back in my couch potato days. Although...I did get stuck on the curvy slide at the park until Madison informed me that I should bend my knees and keep my legs tucked. Then it worked just fine. One thing I love about those kids is that they really love being outside. If it's warm enough and dry, they are scootering, riding bikes, playing basketball, skip it-ing...you name it. Even Max would look longingly out the window and then run to the door when I said it was time to play. He loves to ride his tri-bike. Ok, his tricycle. And he can't reach the pedals really yet so all he does is push himself backwards with his feet. Still...I can see the cyclist in him already. Wishful thinking?

When it's cold or dark, then it's inside time. I wowed them with my dinosaur/cat/camera playdoh creations. Morgan, the card shark, beat me many, MANY times at Rummy. And yes, I was the Old Maid on more than one occasion. Saturday night, we decided to make tortillas. My sister and I thought it would be fun since we hadn't rolled tortillas since we were kids, I think. Anyway, it gave us a chance to tell the girls about our Grandma Poncha and how she used to make them. We were marveling to ourselves at all the work it was and that Grandma had done it EVERY morning! We had a new appreciation for how lucky we were growing up. So...we took turns rolling them out - Susan, my nieces, and me. None of them came out round! The United States, Mickey Mouse, a heart, a bat. I suggested we could use a coffee can to make them round! Did I mention that my grandmother's were perfectly round every time and she used to roll them with one hand! But they had more character this way and made the girls laugh. And boy were they DELICIOUS. Hot off the griddle, melting with butter...HEAVEN.




And then it was Sunday and I had to fly home. :( With good memories but an achy heart. My plane flies over thier house and I told Morgan what time I would be flying over so she could go out and look for me. I waved but I don't think she saw me! Just one last look for me until the next time. Oh but I do have pictures! Woo!

Where The Little Things Are

I'm on vacation. Woo! In Arizona. Woo! I flew out on Saturday for my sister's birthday and I'm staying til Sunday. Let's just say, my camera is smoking it's taking soooo many photos. :) All the little things are cooperating and are being excellent models. The not-so-little one, Morgan, is not! And she used to be my best model. :( And cheap too. It only used to cost a $1 for a "photo session". However, I think I have them primed for triathlons already. I showed them the video Trijack has on his blog of his kids doing their New Years Tri and they loved it and wanted to know if they could do one too. They were impressed that I do that! Now I just have to find a way to keep them interested until the tri in Goodyear next Oct. I think that's the closest one. We'll see.

Anywho...Here are two of the littlest wildlings. Max, the peanut. I love watching him explore and play. I love it best, though, when he reaches his little arms out for me to pick him up and then snuggles. I'm a puddle on the floor.

And this is Peyton, one of my sister's two weenie dogs. She was rescued about 8 years ago and given to my sister. The monster that had her didn't feed her and abused her. :( What I wouldn't give to find that person in a dark alley! For a long time, she was really skittish and she never did get plump like most weenie dogs do. But she is a lovey little dog who will curl up in your lap as soon as you sit down. She's patient with the kids, even Max, and she's a great gaurd dog. She's loves the sun so it's a good thing she lives in the desert! She even models for me. :)

Tulip Wrapped

More tulips. I had planned b&w for these but I couldn't do it. I had to go with color. Reds and greens are just too close when converted to black & white. Besides, sometimes it's not only about the light but also about the color. Only in color could the photo show the lushness of this little tulip. The vase it was in fell over and the water spilled all over it. My cat had come over to investigate and bumped it. Thus the water drops. I decided to leave them and not wipe them off. I loved how the little leaf on this one curls around it. I don't see that often. I must have taken 100 shots of this tulip. These are just a few.

Annie Leibovitz, Part 2

Annie Leibovitz was on American Masters last night. I watched it, of course. As I mentioned in this post, I am a big fan of hers. I loved the show because not only did it showcase her photos, but it also showed her at work. I was drooling over the cameras she had. I found it most interesting to hear her talk about how she didn't know what she was doing along the way. It's funny to hear someone that you think is a genius express doubts. And it was funny to hear what the critics said about her. Everyone has critics, huh? You can't please everyone. So you have to please yourself!

I like her simple portraits best. Like this one. Or this one. I think that simplicity is what I try to achieve with my shots. Just the subject and the light. It's always all about the light.

These are some tulips I picked this weekend. I never get bored with tulips even though they aren't always easy to shoot. I played around with sepia and borders a little. I don't usually put borders on my photos. Maybe a white or black one around it. They kind of remind me of an old postcard or something.

The Great Rain Tragedy

I used to have a Fuji 6x9 Rangefinder. It's a medium format camera. Solid. Wide Angle. Really sharp. I only had it for a little while because I sold it to buy my 70-180 macro. I don't regret that in the least because I love my macro lens. However, that camera is at the center of the Great Rain Tragedy. One of the few times that photography made my heart ache. Made me cry, no sob, really. And I had no one to blame but myself. And the weather gods. And my photography professor. Ok, it was really just me. Sigh.

Let's go back a few years...I was taking night classes at Cal Poly Pomona and one of the classes was Photography. We had to take our assignments every week to be "critiqued" by the professor and fellow students. We shot slides, of course, so we could view them together. I carried my slides, ALL my favorites, in a portfolio box. One night, it was pouring rain. Buckets. Oceans of rain. I was driving a car back then (gasp!) and I made my way thru the rivers to school. I grabbed my portfolio box and ran to class. Only the professor wasn't there. He'd cancelled. Argh. So I ran back thru the rain and made my way back thru the rivers, sans oars, to my nice dry home. I was soaked to the skin. My first priority was to get dry and get warm. After a while, I grabbed my school stuff to put it away. When I picked up my portfolio box, a few drops of water fell onto the floor. No, no, no. Please, no. I crossed my fingers and opened the box...

Aaahhhhhhh! Yes, you guessed it...WATER. IN MY BOX. A few pages deep. Covering the pages that held my medium format slides. I frantically pulled out the slides and dried them off. But it was too late. They were warped. Stained. RUINED!!! Some of the 6x6s from my Yashica. And all but one of the 6x9s from the Fuji. Or so I thought. I still had the 6x6 so there was the possiblity of taking those shots again, especially the ones from Joshua Tree. Oh, they wouldn't be the same but who knows, I might like them better. But the 6x9s from the Fuji...since that camera was gone so were any hopes of redoing those. All I have left of that camera is this one slide.

And then when I was copying it the other day, I saw that it has some damage too. A tiny bit of warping in the sky. You can see it if you click on the photo...towards the center. So really I have no slides left from the Fuji.

Well, I do also have this one tiny scan of another shot that a friend put on his website. That's it. Nada mas.

Both are of the Ancient Bristlecone Pine Forsest in the White Mountains. That was quite a trek. I drove 10 miles over a dirt road to get to Patriarchs Bowl. The view up there was amazing. I felt like I was on top of the world. It was so beautiful. And weird. Those trees are thousands of years old. Talk about feeling small and insignificant in the world! And then I realized why I was the only one up there when I heard thunder rolling my way and there was no where to hide. So I hightailed it back to my car and started driving back in the rain. And that dirt road turned into mud. It took forever and I thought a couple of times that I was stuck (I was in a Rav4) but I prayed and I made it out and safely back down the mountain. That, my friends, was a close one.

So I'm sure you can guess what losing those slides meant to me. After all the adventure and the beauty that I had seen up there, it made me cry to see them shriveled up and scattered on the table. I think that's why I now embrace digital. I not only have copies of my photos on my laptop, but on cd, and on an external drive. And some of them are stored on a website. That's NOT going to happen to me again!

Freelance

No, not Free Lance. He's fine. I mean Freelance Photography. My sister bought me a book for Christmas on how to become a Freelance Photographer. Would that not be cool? To make a living as a photographer? The only problem, of course, is me. I have sold one or two of my prints before. And I've been the photographer for 3 weddings (one as an assistant), 1 birthday party, 1 Company Aniversary Party, and quite a few dinners and events for a charity. And too many portrait sessions to count.

But since most of these were for friends or family, I didn't charge much, if anything. A family friend who built up a very successful business has said that I don't put enough value on my work. That if I want it to be valued, I have to charge what I'm worth. The problem I have is that I usually have so much fun doing this stuff, that I find it hard to charge someone for my fun! But I realize that has to change. If I want to be successful that is. My stepmom was telling me about some friends of hers who just had a sitting with a photographer. They paid her $500 for the sitting. Guess how much I charged for my photo session with my friend Mo and her family last month? Five Zero. Yep, $50. But hey, they bought me dessert too! And really, they've given me countless rides places so I think it was fair. Mo told me they chose these to blow up to 16x20 and that the grandparents loved them. These are not the ones I would have chosen but I haven't had a chance to ask her why these. They had about 120 shots to choose from. I'm curious.



Sure, one day, I would like to see my work hanging in a galery or The Getty or LACMA (dream big!). But until then, I will have to figure out how to make my photography pay for itself.